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Диaна***

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Предлагаю в этот топ собирать разные иностранные анекдоты, смешные картинки, флешки и т.д.

 

Давайте смеяться вместе :pivo::D

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В предверии президентских выборов в Америке смотрите: оперетта Буш-Керри :D:dance:B)

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Смотрели с мужем 2 раза,
:isterica: не могли налюбоваться на ваших красавчиков :isterica:

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Это вывеска над магазином шуб....Типа по русски

post-56-1096792132.jpg

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Наш напиток ТАРХУН :D -здесь назвали...ТРА....,боюсь если назову меня обвинят в нецензурных выражениях :smi1::smi1::uxaxa:

post-56-1096797464.jpg

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тут есть парочка интересных приколов, правда некоторые без объяснения мужа не догнала. http://www.jibjab.com :smi1:

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Mad Wife Disease

 

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked
up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

 

"What was that for?" he asked.

 

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the
name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.

 

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name
of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

 

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was
a good explanation."

 

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she
walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron
skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked,
"What the hell was that for?"

 

She replied, "Your horse called."

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Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to
make their days interesting

 

Thought you'd might like to know what happened to me last week.
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about
5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a
parking ticket.

 

I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a
guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I
called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another
ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a piece of horse
crap.

 

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with
the first.

 

Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about
20 minutes.. the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

 

I didn't give a darn. My car was parked around the corner. I try
to have a little fun each day. It's important at my age.

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Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day
while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the
pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped into save him. She
swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

 

When their medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act he
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as
he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to
tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and bad
news.

 

The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of
another patient. I have concluded that your act displays sound
mindiness.

 

The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with
his bath robe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's
dead."

 

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry.
Now how soon can I go home?"

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"Next."

 

"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."

 

"Names?"

 

"Tim and Jim Jones."

 

"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."

 

"Yes, we're brothers."

 

"Brothers? You can't get married."

 

"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"

 

"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"

 

"Incest?" No, we are not gay."

 

"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"

 

"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other.
Besides, we don't have any other prospects."

 

"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've
been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you
can get married to a woman."

 

"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I
have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a
woman. I want to marry Jim."

 

"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us
just because we are not gay?"

 

"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."

 

"Hi. We are here to get married."

 

"Names?"

 

"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."

 

"Who wants to marry whom?"

 

"We all want to marry each other."

 

"But there are four of you!"

 

"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert,
Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June
and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can
express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."

 

"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."

 

"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"

 

"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that
it's just for couples."

 

"Since when are you standing on tradition?"

 

"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."

 

"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.
The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the
constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a
marriage license!"

 

"All right, all right. Next."

 

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."

 

"In what names?"

 

"David Deets."

 

"And the other man?"

 

"That's all. I want to marry myself."

 

"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"

 

"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to
marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

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Natursha - :super::D

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мне рассказали прикол. русский язык в америке.
приходит один в русский магазин:
покупатель: отрежьте мне вот этой колбасы.
продавец: вам "наслайсить" или целым "писом"?

 

еще много таких приколов про американизированный русский язык, но запомнила только этот. :smi1:

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A West Virginia couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

 

The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

 

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

 

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

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A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby.

 

She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing. For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become an expert in the field.

 

Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

 

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!" :P:smi1:

 

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

 

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm Then she was extremely careful to set
everything up perfectly---tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything.

 

Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, "There are no fish under the ice!"

 

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that you Lord?"

 

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink!"

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ну, а эти уже с бородой, но может кто не слышал ;) разговор 2 русских на ломаном английском.

 

-How much watch?
-Six watch.
-Such much?
-For whom how.
-Kiev University?
-Ask.

 


из той же серии.

 

-two tickets to Dablin.
- kuda blin?
- tuda blin!

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